It’s interesting having birthdays.
There’s pressure, and I’m not too sure I really ever enjoyed the attention. Don’t ask me why, I cannot explain – it’s just something I’ve had within me since the first birthday I can remember.
Somehow, and I don’t know when this shift happened, but I really enjoyed this years birthday. The next day I sat down and reflected on it and started to wander where the shift happened.
When you’re younger you just assume that at 25, you will be sorted. Having your shit together looks easy from an outsiders perspective, but oh my word it really is not.
At 23 after finishing my studies and going out into the world, ready to do great things you realise, oh my word -this is not at all what I thought it would be like. You also realise, i’m still really young, and well… this can’t be it, right?
So after doing some traveling, being inspired by new people, new places and new experiences. I realise well shit… having everything together at 25 is totally unrealistic. Well, for me anyway. I do feel more confused, in terms of where I should be going and what I should be doing. I want to do so many things.
I want to paint and sell my art, I want to write and use my words to inspire and make a difference, I want to create beautiful things that put me out there into the world to make other people really happy. I want to do all these things and I know that the first step in getting there, is just fucking owning it. Saying, yes I paint, I am an artist. Yes, I write – I’m writer and so on.
I think I was always so focused on the fact that the direction I had studied and planned to go was one thing, and something I really invested myself into and now suddenly i’m not calling myself that thing at all. And I question whether thats a cop-out or a waste. But the truth is it really isn’t. I will always still be interested in the things I studied, I will always use that knowledge, just at unexpected times and not in the expected places. We get so caught up on the ‘have-to’s’ and ‘should’ that we lose sight of the fact that our heart might be lying somewhere else and we actually have to go find it. We only get one shot at living through each day and to be honest if I am not living each day authentically from hereon out, that will be my failure. Not being broke, not lacking a plan, not succeeding in an office job or getting promotions.
Not living with my heart every single day will be my failure, and this year i’m determined not to fail!!
So this years birthday and the realisation that I may be exactly where I need to be. This made all of it seem exciting, new, mature in a way because I feel like i’ve found some clarity in my ‘lack of a plan’. I’m not going to have an answer for everyone, and my ‘why’s’ might just be as simple as: ‘well…why the fuck not’ which sets quite a few people back but I don’t care, i’m happy and grounded with that. As long as I can feel within the pit of my stomach that I am being and living authentically, then yes I will succeed this year.
The reason I wanted to post this was also to be honest and open with everyone i’m speaking to. I know I started this blog when I was traveling and yes, travels are still what inspire me most when it comes to writing, but now that I find myself in one place for a short while – my interests are also going to be different. I still do have so many beautiful travel stories to share and I definitely will, but I also have found myself becoming interested in writing about my own growth and interest. So I’ve decided to write about both and in the interest of nurturing my writing I plan to post both growth and interest topics as well as travel pieces each week.
I hope you guys don’t loose interest, I will try my best to keep posting beautiful words and interesting topics. Anyway I guess also part of the point of todays post is to encourage you (if you feel the need) to find a level of comfortability in your changed direction. Sometimes being lost in the right direction is the best kind of lost you can be. Just keep seeking out those things that set your soul on fire. I was so apprehensive about turning 25, but looking at over this past weekend – I am so damn excited for this year!
Thank you for the beautiful birthday!