Take me to your river, I wanna go.

There is this type of oxymoron that we can sometimes get caught up in. I don’t want to blame social media or the internet or anything (I would then be contradicting myself by starting this blog entirely), but maybe just the way we use it.

Here’s how the scenario I’ve observed works:

It’s the one where we feel we constantly need to either prove to ourselves or others that we’ve made it; we’re doing ok and we’ve figured this happiness thing out. Then wanting not to conform to what everyone else’s idea of what happiness may look like. So we somehow get caught in this limbo of rebellion and bitter conformity and instead of standing out as individuals we all seem to look exactly the same.

Yet in all of this we remain stuck. We compromise our talents and true potential because it’s not what success looks like at the moment, or daring to try might not look as good on me as it does on other people who have before.

We have such power and ability at the tips of our fingers and we waste it simply just by not trying at all.

We’re so interested in becoming our most authentic selves, we seem to lose the true meaning of the word authenticity. We are rather focused on what we would look like on the other side of that; once we’ve found authenticity. It’s always a case of ‘once this happens, once I’ve reached that destination – that’s the rainbows-end where I’ll find my happiness.

But, I think we forget that authenticity isn’t a destination or a state of where I will find myself ‘being better’. Rather it’s the state of me…now! In all my mistaken glory, in all the wrong things I say, the wrong things I do, the misshapen curves of my body and the tattiness of my hair or crappy filtering of my social media posts. It is standing proudly behind these things, and the knowing that these are all the things, the good and the bad, that make me authentic. It shouldn’t be about an image I project, it should just be about me…living, hard!

So yes, I know! Millions of people have started blogs and have done far bigger things, made it look easy and aesthetically beautiful all at the same time. I’m hoping not to live that cookie cutter version, but I am willing to try things out for myself.

So, I want to start something that in some way or another that is able to give back.

To nature, to people, to the individuals self esteem. To the adventurer, poet, artist, food fanatic, traveler (whatever it may be) within us.

I want to try remind myself and others to get out of our heads and into our reality, because more often than not once we do this, we realize that maybe our reality isn’t that bad and  engaging ourselves in our reality will mean that we will finally be living authentically. Living through the good and living through the bad, proudly.

To fully understand my motivation behind this, there is a bit of a backstory. There always is I guess, and in the spirit of being open and authentic I’ll share a shorthand version up to the point where I found my vagary.

So 2016 was meant to be a good year. It was that typical time in my life where I had lay down all the foundation work I needed to in order to build my success story. I did all my studying to secure that job. I put in the effort and work into my relationship to have that happy ending (wink). I lived in a city that is quite frankly the dream city. Hell I should be happy, right?

But no – wrong!!

And I felt guilty about it too!

Why on earth would I be saddened by the situation I found myself in?

I was so far in my own thoughts, in my own head and stuck in the dreams I wasn’t chasing that I couldn’t find a single escape from reality. My head and my heart were completely at odds with one another and in turn I was at odds with my reality. I felt restless.

I ended up having to make a change and it’s so funny how it all came about in the space of one weekend (the most confronting weekend ever). It’s quite scary all of a sudden seeing that what you fooled yourself into thinking was ‘the dream’ is really, well…not!

There’s a guy called Criss Jami who said that ‘most [wo]men either compromise or drop their greatest talents and start running after, what they perceive to be, a more reasonable success, and somewhere in between they end up with discontented settlement. Safety is indeed stability, but it is not progression.’

Well, this is where I found myself, without going into too much detail and getting completely side tracked, the just is that I was settling into a safety net. But a seemingly safe safety net. This might sound strange but looking at the elements within my comfort zone at the time, I think if I had reclined into that safety net, come 5 years I would have fallen on my ass – big time.

And it’s because I was still in ‘the dream’ set on making it work. Set on getting to that destination where, upon arrival I would be happy, I was sure of it. I knew what I wanted my life to look like, and because I am stubborn – I was going to get there, and all parties currently involved in my life were coming with me. Whether they liked it, or not.

I was making decisions for my life based on this preconceived idea of which decisions I ideally should make to get me there. The fault here was that in those decisions I was completely ignoring my instincts, my gut. My balance was off. I, for once had to ignore all logic and stop making plans for the future and just start at a day-one-question:

‘what do you want today, without any consequence for tomorrow?’

I decided.

I want to see the world, explore places I know nothing about. Meet people from all walks of life, learn lessons you can’t get from a book, look at scenery I can actually smell, touch and feel not just see through a 24” screen.

Get out, explore, live – without any consequence of tomorrow…(still figuring that one out when it comes to the bank accounts, updates as soon as I find an answer ;P)

 

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